"Trusting Your Children To Determine Curriculum"
By Diane Flynn Keith

I want to invite you into the dark, suffocating recesses of my school mind. I want you to see that in spite of the fact that I have homeschooled my children for 6 or 7 years now, I still suffer the consequences of having been schooled -- and that my indoctrination to school thought is so complete, my mind still plays school tapes even as I try to embrace the unschool mantra of "Trust the Children."

The holidays were over. I asked my kids to make up a list of the things they would like to study, learn about, and do over the next few months. I said I would make a list too -- and then we would compare our lists to develop a schedule that would include all of our interests.

What I Wanted To Do
I planned a course of study to take us through the end of the school year. I decided that we would try to finish the math texts my kids were using, read some American history everyday, write everyday, and read biographies of famous scientists. We would supplement these studies with a hands-on science class once a week, music lessons twice a week, a physical education program twice a week, and an occasional field trip. Oh yes, and I intended to teach them some key phrases in Spanish for a short trip we will take to Mexico in the spring.

Don't laugh at me. This plan was not too ambitious. I've been homeschooling for a long time now and I'm telling you -- this is possible. The math, history, writing and reading can be accomplished in a couple of hours each day. Then it's just a matter of scheduling the classes and field trips to sandwich our studies.

You can imagine my consternation when my children presented me with their lists...

What My 11-Year-Old Wants To Do

* Snowboard
* Aggressive Inline Skating (become "sponsored")
* Arrange Parties with Homeschool Friends
* Fly Airplanes
* Jam With Other Musicians
* Play Starcraft On-line And Off-line
* Take Science Classes
* Talk On-line To Friends

What My 13-Year-Old Wants To Do

* Fly Airplanes
* Aggressive Inline Skating (master a series of flips of varying degrees)
* Ski & Snowboard
* Play the Guitar
* Take Science Classes
* Go to Parties with Homeschool Friends
* Talk On-line to Friends
* Play with the Dog

I don't see reading, writing, arithmetic or history on my kids' lists -- do you? That's too bad, because if those subjects were their primary interest -- making my plan work would be a whole lot easier. As I look at each list, I realize that nothing on it remotely resembles schoolwork - with the single exception of science classes. What's worse is that my sons think they've come up with a legitimate learning plan.

Back to my list -- it sounds like school. I even use a time frame created by conventional schooling -- "semester-speak". I am trying to neatly package their days in two-hour time frames of imposed learning. I'm trying to cover all the subjects they would get in school. I'm trying to finish the current textbook so we can move on to the next. I want to indoctrinate them with dumbed down answers to pre-fabricated questions. I want my children to engage in endless routines of drill work so that they can take standardized tests (like CHSPEs and SATs), so they can be ranked, classified, and set on a course for academic titles that have no real meaning (because they have nothing to do with the character of the person who holds the title).

If I can coerce my kids to follow this path then maybe someday, with their little diploma in hand, they can get a "good" job (with a prestigious title) working for someone else, with "decent" pay, benefits, and stock options so they can afford a "good lifestyle" that includes a "nice" home, car, clothes, a big-screen TV, and an occasional trip to Club Med.

Ultimately, I guess I want them to be happy little consumers who run in endless cycles turning the wheel of the global economy. Isn't that what we all hope for our children? (Okay, I'm starting to sound a bit facetious.) But the management of my children through a school-engineered curriculum will produce exactly that -- that is what it was designed to do. And doesn't it make my life easier? It's so simple. So sanitary. So mindless. A routine, an order, a way to predict outcome -- that's what makes me feel comfortable, reassured, and on schedule as I raise my children. These are the "school tapes" that play in my head after all of these years.

The dichotomy of my own thinking is evident when I remember why I rescued my kids from the school system in the first place. It was because school taught subjects that had little or no relevance to what my kids were interested in. It was because my kids complained of being bored by the curricula carefully selected by expert teachers. It was because my kids thought that school was a big waste of their time and objected to time-management techniques -- including the fact that they didn't have enough time to explore a subject when they were interested in it.

It was because my kids objected to the way the teacher treated the students -- speaking to them in clipped tones and directives: "Take out your pencils," "Don't read ahead," and "Time for lunch," -- never taking the time to really have a conversation with a child or bothering to really listen to what a kid had to say. It was because teachers imposed their will under threat of punishment. It was because, in essence, they were simply managing all of those kids -- not educating them. It was because my children didn't like the way the kids treated each other (tattling, vying for position by shoving and pushing in line, teasing, and bullying) -- makes you wonder what disturbed those kids so much that they had to act out like that.

So why would I want to impose the same insane parameters of school in my homeschool? Because it's familiar, it's what I know, it's what almost everyone else does. But if the results produce lock-step adults, passive and compliant, who never question why, who mindlessly accept the titles, rank, and class bestowed upon them by society, and whose happiness will ultimately be defined by what they can buy -- then that is not the result I want. School and its method of mind-control produces that result. To expect that method to produce a different result just because its done in my home is naïve at best.

I once read that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Reproducing school in my home will get the same results as sending my kids to school. I do not want my kids to become devoid of critical thinking skills, to be easily manipulated and maneuvered, to have their every thought measured and monitored, to be subject to constant surveillance with fleeting (if any) moments of solitude in which they might contemplate their naval, the universe, or just be bored. I do not want them to be intimidated into learning anything. I do not want them to become angry because like so many school children they are unheard, unappreciated, unacknowledged, undervalued, and uneducated.

Back to my kids' lists. Are the things they want to learn about really so devoid of education - in the academic sense of the word? Let's take a look. Right off the bat I can tell you that flying airplanes covers science, math, geography, history and reading. Aggressive inline skating, skiing and snowboarding covers P.E. and health (as in go to the emergency room frequently and make observations of health care while being x-rayed, stitched and bandaged). Playing musical instruments is Fine Arts. Arranging and going to parties with homeschooled friends covers socialization. Taking science classes is obvious. Talking on-line to friends is an exercise in writing everyday. They aren't actually talking -- they are typing on a keyboard -- reading emails and instant messages -- and sending them. This covers reading, writing, spelling, grammar and probably computer science. My overall impression is that they will learn all of the subjects that schools insist are so important -- simply by virtue of doing the things that interest them.

Not only that, but based on their interests they will learn valuable skills that will serve them through-out their lives. They might even be able to make a living without getting a diploma.

What?! Indulge my fantasy for a moment... Let's say they get their pilot's license. What if they became "sponsored" skaters -- that means a skate company would pay them to skate in demonstrations and competitions. Suppose they save and invest that money and buy a plane. Suppose they start an air taxi service -- carting people with diplomas to business meetings. Suppose they advertise their service at their web site on the Internet. Suppose they take customer orders by email. Suppose at the end of a long, satisfying day -- working at a career they created and love -- they relax by playing music at a party with their old homeschool buddies. It's not a far stretch. It's entirely possible. And in that case, their lists do provide learning experiences much more relevant and useful than mine. We are only limited by our schoolish thought. And I am reminded to trust my children to know what really matters.

© Copyright, Diane Flynn Keith, All Rights Reserved

Diane Flynn Keith publishes the rave-reviewed Homefires Ezine. If you're ready to save time and money, ease your anxiety, and learn how to have fun homeschooling, get your FREE subscription now at
http://www.homefires.com/

Diane also publishes the popular ClickSchooling e-newsletter with free daily, web-based curriculum ideas.
Subscribe by visiting
http://www.ClickSchooling.com


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A Recovery Program for
Homeschooling Split Personality Disorder


By Diane Flynn Keith


Do you vacillate between child-led, developmentally appropriate, interest-initiated unschooling on one hand, and traditional, structured, academic-based education on the other? These mood-altering swings in methodology creep up unexpectedly on homeschooling parents and are often exacerbated by events beyond their control. I know. I am recovering from homeschooling split-personality disorder.

When I began homeschooling I really liked the idea of unschooling. It made sense -- as John Holt (guru of the Growing Without Schooling movement) said in his book, Teach Your Own -- that true learning only takes place when it is desired by the learner. I knew that most of the knowledge I had acquired and used in my life was in place because I pursued it. I remembered that when I was in school, and required to learn certain subjects, I studied the materials sufficiently to pass a test and then promptly forgot most of it. So because I could see the truth in Holt’s words manifested in my own life, accepting this unique approach to education was enticing.

When I embraced this ideology all was right with the world. My kids were happily absorbed in projects and experiments of their own creation. I was the happy facilitator of their dreams. I helped them find the resources they needed to satiate their interests in the subjects they wanted to explore. Sometimes, though, a homeschool panic attack would disrupt this rapturous scene. Usually it was incited by the kid-next-door who came over and said he got an A+ on his long division test, or that he just finished writing a five-page report on the Industrial Revolution. Sometimes it occurred because a grandparent (after taking the kids to a movie) questioned why the children were having trouble reading the credits that were in cursive font on the movie screen. It had even happened when another homeschooling friend proudly shared that her 14-year-old daughter successfully passed the high school proficiency exam.

During these episodes something deep inside me would well up and transform me into a ruler-swinging school marm ready to “drill and kill” my kids all the way to college. I’d announce that, “Things are going to change around here.” I’d get on the phone and order catalog curriculum products. I’d create a schedule of subjects, neatly align the materials we’d need, and begin a rigid program of structured learning. My kids looked at me like I was nuts but cooperatively went along with my antics -- for a while. Usually about three weeks into the packaged-curriculum-product-paces my kids revolted. They would object, whine, complain, and beg for a reprieve.

When I was finally exhausted from the demands of lesson preparations and had been thoroughly worn down by the kids’ pitiful whining and misery -- my alter-ego emerged. You know, the “let’s-take-the-day-off-and-go-to-the-beach” unschooler who squelched the tenured-teacher ego and encouraged the kids to play hooky. After a day discovering sea creatures in tide pools, watching the tide line rise and fall, discussing tidal action and the moon’s gravitational pull, examining different varieties of seaweed, constructing sand castles, and sorting sea shells into categories -- I began to wonder why I ever questioned my children’s desire to learn and their ability to learn from the environment around them. We would immediately begin unschooling again in earnest. I “channeled” John Holt, Pat Farenga, Grace Llewellyn, and Sandra Dodd to my children’s utter amazement and delight.

What was going on? Well, I believe this Jeckyl and Hyde flip-flopping was indicative of several things:

I had lost sight of my personal educational philosophy and engaged in a tug-of-war with what society expects and what I believed in my heart was right for my children.

I was experiencing fear of failure in homeschooling, that is, fear of traditional academic failure. I worried that if my kids wanted to go to college someday, they wouldn’t have the tools and skills necessary to jump through the hoops to get there.

I was impatient. Trusting a child to learn means waiting for them to be ready to learn. Sometimes it can be a long wait for parents filled with doubt and anxiety.

I love my kids and wanted to help them become the best that they could be. And to be completely candid, I wanted to have some validation that I made the right choices and that my sacrifices, abilities, and dedication as a homeschooling parent paid off. (I’m not particularly proud of that admission.)

The good news is that there is hope for those of us who experience this split-personality homeschooling disorder. I’ve given the matter a lot of thought and have come up with (Tah-Dah!) a 4-step plan for recovery from homeschooling split-personality disorder. (For those of you familiar with 12-step programs - it takes fewer steps when you homeschool.)

1.) Remain mindful of your personal educational philosophy. Without a map, how will you know where you are going? You must take the time to develop your own educational philosophy based on academic and developmental learning principles that are symbiotic with your own sense of what is important and appropriate in education. You must also take the time to get to know your children’s unique abilities, learning styles, and personalities so that you can adapt your educational philosophy to accommodate their needs. If you are constantly debating in your mind other people’s ideas of what your child should learn, and how they should learn, and in what time-frame they should learn it, then of course you are going to develop homeschooling split-personality disorder. You’ll constantly question and test your own ideology and methodology based on somebody else’s expertise. You are the ultimate expert on what is appropriate for your children - so act like an expert.

If you have a solid belief of how education should best unfold for you and your family based on personal research, insight, and life experience you are much better suited for staying the course you’ve chosen in pursuing your family’s educational objectives. Developing a course of study and choosing educational curricula and resource materials will also be easier if you have basic criteria for judging study plans and utilizing educational products whether for use in traditional or unschooled learning environments. Additionally, making a choice to be well informed about the educational style you have selected will provide you with the confidence you need to defend your choice to whoever may challenge it - including your alter ego.

2.) Confront your fear of homeschooling failure. Many home educators are haunted by questions like, “What if my son wants to go to college and can’t write a grammatically correct essay to save his life?” or “What if my daughter wants a job in retailing but can’t count change back to a customer?” Facing your fears means admitting that there are certain skills we need to get along in life. Giving your child the tools they need to hone those skills will alleviate some of your fears. Determine what it is you think they should know. Is it reading, writing, and arithmetic? It’s okay to exercise your parental authority and responsibility and decide that there are some things your child must learn, but there is a way to gently lead your child in the process without making a bunch of authoritarian dictums. You can make it clear that you require your child to do some work on a subject, but allow him or her room to negotiate how much, when, and what materials will be used. Respectful consideration of your child’s learning style and temperament coupled with consistent, cooperative effort will elicit the best results.

Remember that the most significant learning tends to take place when the desire comes from inside the learner; when the student feels he has some control over what he or she is learning. Helping your child manage their weaknesses while encouraging and emphasizing their strengths will provide them with the tools they need to develop the skills necessary to accomplish all of their goals in life.

3.) Develop patience. We want to trust that our children will learn to read, memorize the multiplication tables, understand the rules for grammar, and spell well. We want to believe that they will develop an interest in history, be able to name a few U.S. presidents, know where countries, states and cities are located around the world, and use a beaker and a Bunsen burner. It’d be nice if they would learn to speak a foreign language and play a musical instrument too. But couldn’t they please hurry up and do it all by the age of 10, demonstrate their acquired knowledge to everyone we know, and relieve us of the pressure of worrying that somehow they won’t measure up to public school (society’s) curriculum standards? While we may believe that they will accomplish these things (if they want to), it’s not likely that they will accommodate the time frame that would make it less stressful on us. So we have to learn to be patient. Patience is a virtue especially in homeschooling. As one homeschooling mom put it, “It really doesn’t matter if my daughter can solve differential equations at 12 or 21. She is taking responsibility for her own education. And homeschooling has provided us with the opportunity to be together in meaningful measures of time.”

4. Define your view of success in homeschooling. Everyone has their own definition. Since we haven't chosen the lock-step path of traditional schooling most of us have no basis of comparison -- no barometer for success. Without all of the traditional forms of measurement (test, grades, teacher’s comments, etc.) a gauge for our success is elusive. The quest for success can sometimes make us forget what’s really important and why we started homeschooling in the first place.

Most parents love their kids and want to help them exercise their full potential. In our society we view achievements in academics, careers, finances, sports, and the arts as visibly measurable ways of determining that someone has lived up to their potential. It’s tangible “proof” that our children are successful, productive, contributing members of society. Admit it or not, our children are extensions of our own egos and therefore their “successes” are acknowledgments that our parenting and homeschooling have also been successful. We have been conditioned to believe that these material successes are indicative of happiness. That said, it would seem that what we really want is for our children to be happy. We can love, guide and support our children but true happiness, like learning, comes from within. Letting go of our expectations and fantasies for our children’s success, and allowing them to become whom they want to be is one prescription for their happiness and ultimately our own contentment.

A lack of confidence will bring on a case of homeschooling split-personality disorder in a heartbeat. While the four steps recommended above will strengthen your confidence and make you less susceptible to the onset of teacher-facilitator personality transference there is no absolute cure. I suffered from the pangs of H.S.P.D. on-and-off throughout my entire homeschooling career – a total of 14 years! I can only tell you that it helps to encourage your children to become autodidacts -- those who are in control of their own learning. Take joy in their acceptance of personal responsibility and let them know that you will always be there to provide comfort and support. Quit worrying about what everybody else is doing and remind yourself of the really splendid and unique learning opportunities your children have had, and trust that your pattern of learning together is just right for you and your family.


© Copyright, Diane Flynn Keith, All Rights Reserved

Diane Flynn Keith publishes the rave-reviewed Homefires Ezine. If you're ready to save time and money, ease your anxiety, and learn how to have fun homeschooling, get your FREE subscription now at
http://www.homefires.com/

Diane also publishes the popular ClickSchooling e-newsletter with free daily, web-based curriculum ideas.
Subscribe by visiting
http://www.ClickSchooling.com

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"Exploring the Ultimate Urban Legend: Homeschooled Teens"

By Diane Flynn Keith

I knew most of the kids in my local homeschool support group from the time they were second-graders. So, when the pliable little-boy-bodies gave way to broad backs and biceps of rock-solid muscle, and the previously waist-less, little girl bodies took on the form of Botticelli's Venus, it took some getting used to.

The changing bodies brought new and different energy, attitudes, thought, and behavior -- and along with it, parental anxiety. This was a surprise to me and many of my homeschool friends who believed the ultimate urban legend — that homeschooled teens are immune to the pressures, social expectations, and behavior dictated by pop culture in America.
soccer player
The Colfax Boys

How did this myth evolve? I think it began many years ago with the teens that were targeted by the media (including the homeschool media) as fine examples of what homeschooling produces. The quintessential examples are the Colfax boys who were raised on a homestead in rural northern California and went on to graduate from Harvard.

Fresh-faced and right off the farm, they exemplified the success that hard work and clean living in a homeschool environment can produce. Because they were in their teens when they achieved national notoriety due to their parents' book, Homeschooling For Excellence, the image emblazoned in the public psyche was that all homeschoolers would somehow turn out like them. These poster boys for homeschooling promised an easy transition from childhood to adulthood bypassing the rebellious, culture-driven angst commonly associated with the teen years. The fact that the Colfaxes were isolated, TV-free, and never steeped in popular teen culture was, for the most part, overlooked and unexamined.

The Colfax mystique was bolstered by similar stories of homeschooled teens who displayed none of the mainstream teen preoccupation with fashion, rebellion, music, and dating. The stories were told countless times in Growing Without Schooling magazine, Home Education Magazine, and in homeschool newsletters nationwide. Homeschooled teens were often depicted as college-bound, advanced academic achievers.
Model Children

They were not only content with their solitude, but preferred adult company to that of their peers, listened only to classical music, wore fashions straight from Ward & June Cleaver's closet, and even sneered with ultimate contempt at the idea of football games and cheerleaders, partying, and The Prom. Some of these kids acted as if the whole popular teen culture experience was beneath them. As a result, many of us came to believe that homeschooled kids would sail smoothly through their teen years never challenging parental strictures and never dabbling in common cultural teen pastimes.

While this news may have been a relief to some parents, it was a naïve leap of faith to assume that all homeschooled teens would be the same! The growth of homeschooling among the mainstream population means homeschooled teens are now more proportionately representative of the teen society at large.
Urban Homeschooling
Young student relaxing

Homeschoolers are human beings and as our numbers grow we reflect more accurately the same assets and liabilities common to all of humanity. For those of us homeschooling in urban America, it means we have the same attributes and quirks seen in the popular culture. Homeschooling will not liberate parents from discussions or arguments with their teens about appropriate attire, activities, friends, music, movies, social behavior, dating, sex, drugs, and the rest of the items on the agenda.

In various locations and situations with homeschooled teens I have seen all of the calling cards exhibited by mainstream tweens and teens (ages 11-18) who go to school: crop tops and low-riding jeans; body piercing and punky-colored hair; public displays of affection (deemed natural and healthy or risky and promiscuous, depending on your point of view); loud music in all of its variations with and without parental warnings; group outings to popular movies (with a demand for PG-13, and a penchant for R-rated films); and sometimes bad attitudes accompanied by bouts of rudeness and profanity even when addressing their parents.

I have also witnessed behavior among homeschooled teens that demonstrates integrity, character, respect, and concern for others -- including their parents. And you know what? It doesn't necessarily come dressed in polo shirts and khakis, or demure dresses.

I have seen academic excellence, but more importantly, I have seen kids who love and direct their own learning, and as a result will author and edit their own lives.
Segregated or Open-minded

I've seen homeschooled teens unselfconsciously and respectfully interact with people of all ages, backgrounds, ethnicities, and abilities. I was truly struck by this at a recent homeschool conference. In a typical high school cafeteria teens generally sit with kids of the same age and social "type." (For example, all of the senior jocks hang together, all of the sophomore stoners bunch together, and all of the freshman nerd-geeks sit at another table.)

At the conference, homeschooled teens of all ages who might be described as preppies, jocks, nerds, and other assorted labels sat together. There was an incredible tolerance among this group of teens for differences — and, in my opinion, they demonstrate hope for the future with their impartiality and open-mindedness.

The energy homeschooled teens exude could jump-start a doorknob. When it is channeled in a positive direction it becomes a chain reaction of benevolence in the form of good deeds, good work, and good will. When it is misguided or neglected it swallows their opportunities for growth and detours them from their natural course of development to adulthood. The same is true for all teens.



Because homeschooled teens are not in school they are subjected to less peer pressure and coercion for risky behavior on a daily basis, but they are not immune to it -- particularly if they live in an urban area, watch TV, go to movies, read newspapers and magazines, and interact with non-homeschooled kids in the neighborhood and community.
Positive Influence

That said, I still believe that parents have more opportunities and a better chance to share discussion of teen-centered issues (and therefore positively influence their teens) when they are homeschooled.

We spend more quantity time with our teens and so have a better probability of quality time that can lead to conversations about everything from awakening sexuality to tattoos and mosh pits. Homeschool parents tend to be involved in their teens' lives, a factor underrated by mainstream society. They are willing to dialog with other homeschool parents about areas of concern too. In my support group the parents tackled every subject from clothing to sex to drugs with regard to our burgeoning teen group. We were not always in agreement on these topics, but we did talk and listen. Respectful discourse can go a long way to form opinions, strategies, and guidelines for how to help teens safely make that miraculous passage from childhood to adulthood.

Our conversations confirmed that teens want what we all want -- to be appreciated, acknowledged, accepted, needed, understood, and ultimately loved. Homeschooling presents the opportunity to create an environment that supports those needs.

My hope for all of you homeschooling teens is that once your children safely transition into healthy and well-adjusted young adults, you will look back on this stage of their development with some amusement, and also with deep appreciation that through homeschooling you became your teens' allies in the process of growing up.

© Copyright, Diane Flynn Keith, All Rights Reserved

Diane Flynn Keith publishes the rave-reviewed Homefires Ezine. If you're ready to save time and money, ease your anxiety, and learn how to have fun homeschooling, get your FREE subscription now at
http://www.homefires.com/

Diane also publishes the popular ClickSchooling e-newsletter with free daily, web-based curriculum ideas.
Subscribe by visiting
http://www.ClickSchooling.com